We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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