Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
