I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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