You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
