I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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