thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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