We're facebook friends in real life
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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