You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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