YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
