The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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