The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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