Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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