did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
