Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
