Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
