help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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