We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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