He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
