That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
