omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
