Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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