im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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