The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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