I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
