your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
