So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
