Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
