I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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