I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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