My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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