no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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