Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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