I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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