Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
