I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
