I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
