So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
