Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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