You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
