On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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