sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
