u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
