why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
