yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i will never coherently bang her
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
