p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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