you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
