i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
