Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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