kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
