Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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