YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
