So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
