After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
