Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
