Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
