Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
