don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
