I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
