I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
